The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
