i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love accidental penises.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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