Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
