i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
