Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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