OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
