i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
