I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
