hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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