i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
