Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
