so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
