I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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