I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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