Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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