Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
