Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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