Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
