I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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