Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
