Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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