At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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