So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
