Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
