barbara walters just said penis...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
