Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
