I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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