hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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