Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
