Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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