It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
