I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
