Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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