Cold hands, warm shart.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
