ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
