have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
