is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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