wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
