Swine flu. Run for my life!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
