Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
