I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
