? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
