Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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