is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
