If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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