no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
