As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
