it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
