I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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