on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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