***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
