i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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