you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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