just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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