he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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