You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
