Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
vagina is talking i cant
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
