The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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