Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
