put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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