I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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