I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
