Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
