I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am mentally ready for anal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
