did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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