"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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