I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
