i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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