The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
