Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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