operation have a gay friend backfired
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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