FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
