and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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