got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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