for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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